Over the last month or so, I have started to feel a little bit less in control than I am used to. It all started with my legs and feet: I developed restless leg syndrome symptoms. As I was trying to go to sleep at night, my feet would start to feel a little bit achy. I would first flex my toes toward my knees to try and stretch out the tendons, but I wouldn’t get any relief. For a while, I could hop out of bed and go through a short asana of yoga poses to stretch out my hamstrings and then I’d fall asleep within two minutes. Then yoga quit working. I took magnesium supplements and sprayed magnesium oil on my legs, and that helped for a while, then it too quit working. Melatonin helped me fall asleep for another couple of weeks and quit working.
At the same time, my brain was going into full overdrive mode at bedtime. A lot of the things I’d think about were my old, favorite anxiety worries, largely centered around an apocalyptic event and where my family would go and how we’d survive and what supplies we’d load in the truck and whether I’d be able to get access to seeds to grow our own food and how would we keep the deer out of the garden for heaven’s sake andthenoiseinmyheadjustwouldntstopsoIcouldgetsomedamnedsleep. And my feet and legs were all twitchy.
I’ve also felt like I’ve had a big up-tick in my obsessive compulsive disorder (high obsessive, low compulsive, FYI). I have undertaken some ridiculously large cleaning projects around the house during the last several weekends and have definitely put far above normal attention and detail into them. I’ve also gotten into drawing Zentangles lately, and am not sure if that intricate detail is actually good for my OCD or if it is agitating it.
I called my doctor today and made an appointment to go see her tomorrow. I’m not sure if there is anything outside of my own body that is causing my anxiety symptoms to ramp up like this. (In case you’re new here, I have generalized anxiety disorder that is typically well managed by medication.) I have been trying to think if I have been under any particular stress at home or work and I can’t come up with anything. The best I can think of is that we’re almost all the way through winter and seasonal affective disorder is rearing its head. The fact is, though, that this could be an entirely chemical process in my brain/endocrine system. Some little gland went on vacation and forgot to come back online, or something.
I’m hoping the doctor will adjust my medication. I’ve been on venlafaxine (Effexor) at a 75 mg dosage twice per day, and my web hunting today indicates that the dosage does have several increases that can be made. Alternatively, maybe she’ll switch me to something else all together. What I do know is that if I don’t try to get some help for this, things are going to get worse.